File Under: The Secret Lives of Truffle Pigs

Another witch doctor, another script.

Almost exactly a year ago I started with a public health clinic. While I have a GP who I like very much, I am dependent on the clinic for my mental health treatment. The clinic purports to have experience with mental health + addiction issues.

Over time I have realized that they are mostly guessing.

I can’t be the first person in recovery with these issues to walk through their doors; we are talking about PUBLIC health after all.

Studies tell us that 1 in 10 people have addiction issues at some point in their life, perhaps now more than ever. Studies also tell us that 40% of all addicts also have untreated mental health issues, in many cases the situations feed off each other. It is known as Co-Occurrence (1) I am one of them.

We’re kind of at the end of the road when it comes to ADHD meds, which is where we started a year ago.

I talked about this with my new witch doctor, who had a different response to the same question as the past two.

“Well” she said “there is a new class of drugs. They are still classified as stimulants, they are still classified as a narcotic (2) and still a controlled substance. And they still have a long list of side effects.”

“I don’t care, sign me up.”

“There’s more.”

“Of course there is.”

“There is also a risk of addiction and/or misuse”

“I am in charge of my own recovery, and I know the signs. But if I was going to “pick up” again just to get high, I wouldn’t need you. I’d just walk into the skeeziest bar in the West End and ask the bartender to hook me up. Addicts are just as good at finding drugs as they are at using them. We’re like Truffle Pigs that way. And let’s be honest, there are some guard rails built in. If I abuse them, there’s not going to be any more till I can refill them. They are HIGHLY regulated."

“And to be super-direct? If this drug works, I’m going to be on it the rest of my life, so does that REALLY count as ‘addiction?’ Because if this drug doesn’t work, I will ABSOLUTY pick up the ones I abused. I cannot continue to, nor want to, live the rest of my life like this. I gave up drugs because I was abusing them, not because they didn’t work.”

I put the question out at meeting tonight and got a variety of responses, some of them expected and some of them with more insight than I expected. 

Some people in recovery think of mental health drugs as “drugs” no matter what, a hard “no.” I kept my mouth shut, because these are clearly people who have never dealt with what I have, and am. Would you tell someone with schizophrenia not to take their meds? Someone with acute suicidal ideation, or crippling depression? Who gets to pick which mental health drugs are "drugs?" 

The side effects of some of these drugs are staggering, just ask me. But if the drug that gives me blurred vision, nausea or involuntary muscle constriction works, I'll learn to live with it. Nobody goes looking for that, it's not like someone prescribed me Meth.    

 The one that struck closest to home was that “listening to your Higher Power was going to be key. Recovery isn’t just about getting clean; it’s about learning to deal with your life without them.” 

Yes, I lied to my doctors in the past to get what I wanted, I was lying to get “over prescribed,” not because they didn’t work. The choice to abuse them was my own. If I wasn't an addict, I'd still be on them.

This drug required a prior-auth, but the witch doctor doesn’t think that will be a problem, considering all the drugs that have been tried and not worked. There is an extensive paper trail.

So I’m waiting for paper, again. The script hasn’t been filled, nor do I have to pick it up if I change my mind.

Just for today, I’m going to leave this up to my Higher Power, and see where that leads.

 

1 https://nida.nih.gov/research-topics/co-occurring-disorders-health-conditions

2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-outlook/202503/the-new-amphetamine-crisis